My Thoughts on Divorce

Sadly, the topic of divorce continues popping into my world. And I don’t like it; not one bit.

Admittedly I have old-fashioned values. And if you’re familiar with the movie The Princess Bride then you’re familiar with the fairy-tale concept of true love that I’ll never let go of.

In my dream world there’s a ninety-year-old man that looks at his wife the same way he did on the very first night that they went out. And at ninety years old he still remembers to romance his little lady as if she were his twenty-year-old sweetheart.

But why are these fairy-tale romances so often ensconced in dream worlds rather than being a typical persons reality?

To cover this topic thoroughly I could start a career just focusing on relationships. I enjoy writing children’s books more so I’ll have to pass on the relationship career, but I can’t let one more day go without making my opinion heard in some fashion.

And so you’re aware; this note isn’t to make anyone feel wonderful about themselves. If you have one of these fairy-tale romances I’m quite sure you don’t need a note from me to make you feel wonderful. But some people need to look in the mirror and do a gut-check. Ask themselves if they are living the kind of life that they know deep down inside they should be living. And if they’re not … then ask themselves why.

So why do marriages fall apart?

To start let’s ask ourselves why marriages begin in the first place. Now, no one’s perfect, and I’m sure not casting stones at anyone. But let’s look at the realities we’re dealing with. I just read a statistic (and statistics are always questionable) stating that 90% of teens that get married due to a pregnancy get a divorce within six years. I haven’t found a quality statistic that tells how many marriages begin because of a child on the way, but I’d venture to say that most of us are familiar with this phenomenon.

And it may very well be that if all of these unintended pregnancies went away that divorces would all but disappear. I know it wouldn’t completely get rid of them, but it may come surprisingly close. So as parents, educate your children about sex. Don’t leave it up to their school systems. Someone WILL educate your children about sex if you don’t. But you may not like the after-effects. And your children may regret it forever.

Now let’s get back to square one of everything in life. And you either believe it or you don’t. God made us. And God is much like a picturesque married couple. He has an outpouring of love and He keeps having more and more children, which allows Him to keep sharing His love with more and more souls. (Remember that I’m simplifying this as much as I can to keep this from turning into a novel).

And God created us as men and women. He created the perfect matches that could be conjoined and reproduce, perfect matches that can grow together spiritually into one being, perfect matches that can soak in a feeling of true love.

Now here’s my guess: if couples throughout a relationship don’t continue to grow together spiritually, the relationship will be doomed. Not necessarily destined to end, but definitely not reaching the heights that are possible.

People are given time, which allows us to develop, molding ourselves while we participate in continuous spiritual self-improvement.

Now think of a river, flowing with fresh water every day as it continues to carve new paths. When I think of that I think of something beautiful and clean.

Then think of a pond, the only water it gets is rainwater and the only water that leaves it is through evaporation. The pond sits filled with stagnant water, while decorated with algae as it emits a pungent odor. The pond isn’t developing; it’s sitting inactive and smelling foul.

That’s what happens to relationships as well.

And I understand, that once you have children and when both parents are working (not always on the same schedule) life can seem hectic sometimes to say the least. But busy schedules and children are no excuse to let a relationship flounder.

“In my dream world there’s a ninety-year-old man that looks at his wife the same way he did on the very first night that they went out.”

Don’t let those first precious moments slip into a forgotten past. Keep those feelings alive interminably. Reinvent the romance continuously. Live the fairy-tale life that’s awaiting you.

Take responsibility for your choices and prioritize your time. Do you need to work the extra hours so you can live beyond your means in a house full of fancy decorations and a nice car in the driveway? Is that why kids are being left in the care of some type of babysitter and spouses are being overlooked?

I’ll use a simple example and you can change the circumstances to see how it fits into your life.

There are people in the world that smoke cigarettes (pick something that you spend money on), have children and also are worried about money being tight. Now for the math…

We’ll use round numbers to make it easy. If you smoke one pack of cigarettes a day I believe that equals out to spending about $1,800 per year. If you earn $10 per hour before taxes that equals out to about $7 an hour that you take home. If you earn $7 per hour, it takes 260 hours of work to pay for one year of smoking. 5 hours of work per week are dedicated to paying for your smoking habit.

If those 5 hours were instead used to give your spouse a one-hour massage 5 days per week, would your relationship be doing better?

Would it make you happier to smoke, or make your spouse feel pampered? Do you feel more joy by satisfying your self-serving cravings or by allowing someone else to feel like a treasure?

If you’re a man, when you first started dating that special woman, were you willing to give massages back then, were you romantic, a knight in shining armor perhaps?

And if you’re a woman, did you hold out for your knight, or did you settle for less?

And to all of the parents, even if your parents didn’t do it right, even if your relationships haven’t been gleaming examples of perfection; remind your daughters that there are still knights in this world and teach your sons to be the valiant men that tales are told about. Bring back the respect for women that society has so happily tossed aside in pursuit of money and prurient interests.

If children were taught about the Lord, and taught to LOVE other people, society could be transformed from one of divorce and self-interest to one reflecting of heavenly loves. This world could be heaven-like. Relationships could be loving, lasting ones. Children could have quality examples to watch as they themselves grow.

But it is up to us to pass this opportunity on to the children. It is up to us to look in the mirror and see what kind of example we are setting. And it’s also up to us (or you married folks) to allow your spouses to remember every day why they married you. Don’t ever make someone regret that they made their vows with you.

Keep the spiritual growth blossoming. Keep the romance alive.

And if you think that there’s still much more to be said about this topic, you are correct.

So stay tuned…

kw

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